A LIFE FOREVER REMEMBERED

Saturday, September 22nd, had turned out to be a hot fall day, just as the local weathermen had predicted. It was a day that I had looked forward to as well as dreaded. After much planning and preparation, this day was the day that my son's tombstone would be unveiled.

It was Christmas Day, 2006, and I had not heard anything all day from my son, U.S. Army Specialist Joseph A. L. Strong. I was not too worried because, as he had told me on the day after Thanksgiving, the single men would let the men with kids use the phones first, and they would then use them after those men had spoken to their families. He had only left for his first duty in Iraq in October, just a few months earlier. But, as the day dragged on, I became more and more concerned. This was Joey's first Christmas away from us since the day he was born on March 18, 1985. No one seemed too concerned that my baby boy was not around for this day, except for myself and my daughter, Vanesa, who is just one year older than he. But still night came and Christmas was soon over.

The day after Christmas was always a traditional day that Vanesa, Joey, and I would go shopping and look for those “unbeatable” sales. This year Vanesa and I decided to go ahead as planned, but neither one of us felt like being away from. I had gotten out of bed and, as always, watched the morning news. There was a story about a humvee accident and two men were killed and one was critically injured. I looked up at my husband and said, “There has been an accident and I have not heard from Joey. Something is wrong.” I carried my cell phone in my hands all day and never put it into my purse for fear that I would not get to it in time when Joey called me to wish me a “Merry Christmas.” All day, we just felt more and more sick, and came home after only being gone two or three hours. After I arrived home, I put on my night clothes (it was only around noon) and lay on the couch. Inside, I knew that something was wrong, but this was my first experience with tours of duty and I did not know all I would soon find out about the way of life over there and the rules and Army Regulations.

I went to bed near 7:30 that evening. Still no word from Joey. I was awakened by the back door opening and Tracy (Joey's Step-Dad who helped in raising my two kids from a previous marriage when their father became virtually invisible) saying, “Oh, my God!” I knew what was going on before I ever jumped out of bed. It was exactly 9:00 pm and I ran to the back door in my night clothes, only to see two Army Officers coming toward me. I asked, “Are you here about my son?” and one replied, “Yes, ma'am.” I asked, “Is he dead” and the same one replied, “Yes.”

I do not remember too much after that. I know I seemed fairly calm, but still not too much going through my mind except I had to make phone calls. The Officers immediately asked about Vanesa. Since she had just gotten married in May, 2006, she and her husband lived in town. The Army Officers were going to go and give her the news and I said, “Absolutely Not.” I phoned her husband and told him about the visitors and that they would be staying there until he and Vanesa arrived because of paperwork that needed to be signed. Joey had listed Vanesa and me on his Last Will and Testament and listed his biological father as “Unknown.” She and I were the only ones who needed notification from the Army and the Department of Defense. We also called our pastor and his wife, Merv and Dawn McNair, who were both instrumental in Joey's finding the Lord and claiming his salvation just a few years before he had joined the Army. We also called our parents and told them to make phone calls to our siblings. It was not too long before the phone started ringing and people started arriving at the same back door that our horrible news had been presented to us. I work for our county in the Surveyor's Office, and Joey was, and still is at this point, the only casualty from our county and several surrounding counties. When I had to call my boss to tell him that I would not be at work for a while, word really started getting around.

After the next few months of grieving and the Army's keeping us very busy with letters and phone calls, we started to plan Joey's tombstone. Joey had been quite the show-off while he was in school. He was a very good looking boy with a passion for fast cars, 4-wheelers, and most of all, baseball. He excelled in the sport and demanded everyone's attention when he played. He always wanted to make sure that I was at every game and never took my eyes off the great job he was about to do with the ball and bat. Vanesa and I knew that he would not at all like it if we settled on an ordinary tombstone. We looked at many places, in many books, and also all over the internet. We also wanted this to be one where people could come and see Joey, get to know him if they were strangers to him, and to remember his life and know of the sacrifice he had made for his country.

Finally, we found the perfect one. It was a four-sided tombstone with an eagle perching on top, as if to stand guard over his master. We then carefully looked over pictures that we wanted on the stone. We started out with almost 50, but then narrowed it down to around 26. Now for the finishing touches. We knew so far we had it right with what Joey would have wanted. He loved eagles; they were his favorite birds. Having been stationed in Alaska for 1 ½ years before going over to Iraq, he loved that he got to see them often. Also, we had picked out some of our favorite pictures of him. They started from birth to toddler, to high school and baseball, to the final pictures taken of him while he was in Iraq. We went to his room to search for something else. On his walls were posters and pictures and two things stood out in our minds. Joey had posted the Army Creed on his wall and also his favorite Bible verse. I knew that Joey cared enough about both of these things to want to see them every day when he was in his room. (I did not want to put the poster of Brittany Spears on his tombstone, even though he looked at her every day, also.) After the funeral, my two very good friends who also work for the county gave me a poem and an angel figurine that seemed very fitting for a fallen soldier. With all three of these things,  along with our sketches and our pictures, we headed for the monument places, trying to get the best deal and the better of service.

Joey was buried in a local cemetery and was originally laid to rest next to his Grandpa Strong. But, after making tombstone plans and arranging with the cemetery board to have the foundation put down for the stone, we were told that he had been buried in a “flat marker area – only” part of the cemetery. After going before the board to persuade them to let us put a stone up, we also learned that there was a broken drain tile in his plot. His casket would have to be brought up to have the drain fixed. We knew all along that asking them to change the rules just for Joey was not fair to the others who had family members buried there or that would be buried there, so we opted to move him. He was moved just over the gravel driveway and just a few hundred feet away from his original place. This new spot was a little closer to the elementary school which he attended from kindergarten through sixth grade. He was also closer to the little league baseball diamonds that he spent many years playing. I told everyone that he was in heaven just listening to the games. We were also able to purchase the surrounding plots around him so he would lie between Vanesa and me, with Tracy and Evan (Vanesa's husband) beside us. (Tracy and I had originally purchased the two plots beside Joey before we moved him, but there was no room for Vanesa to be buried next to us.)

It was time. We had Joey in a perfect spot between Vanesa and me. We had all the plans at the monument company, and we had been checking up on them periodically. We then had the foundation laid. It was completed in May, 2007. In the time it took for the monument to finish, people had signed Joey's foundation with notes and tribute to a young hero. I was happy that, once the tombstone got put into place, some of the items written on the foundation would be forever captured under the stone.

As it grew closer and closer to another chapter in the grieving process, there were many plans to be made. The county had mentioned several times that they would like to be involved in the tombstone process, having known me and my husband who owned a local small business. We had also grown up in the same community that we had raised our children in. Our families had also been a huge part, with all of our parents owning local businesses. We decided to have an unveiling for the tombstone, which had now become a “monument,” or so many would call it. Our local papers put announcements in their papers two weeks in advance, and then it all escalated. Local businesses wanted to help:  we had a newly established pizza place donate pizzas; Frito Lay, which has a factory in the neighboring county, wanted to donate chips; and Cocoa Cola donated soda pops. The Indianapolis news stations called wanting to cover the story as a news interest. The Patriot Guard had shown interest in participating since they were there when we had his services. They thought it would be great to come to see the final touches.

When Joey's unit had gone over to Iraq, it was the first time for many of the families to be involved with their loved ones in a war zone. A family from Virginia started a website, making it available only to family members. It had also received information from the Commanding General at Fort Richardson, Alaska. This website had become a blessing to all members who had the chance to receive news and updates of their soldiers. It also became a way for the families of the fallen soldiers to keep in touch with all that was going on with the unit since their boys were no longer sending home information. Many friendships developed because of this website, and much advice was given, along with ways to cope with deployments and returns and death. There were several families from this website who wanted to come to support Joey. Their sons had been stationed with Joey in Alaska as well as Iraq and had taken his death hard. Losing a brother in the services is equally as hard as losing one from a civilian life. A brother is a brother no matter how he became one. A family from Utah was coming that had met Joey through basic training and then Alaska and now their son was also sent over to Iraq with him. They had several pictures they had taken of Joey during basic training and airborne. He had also become a part of their family since he had met and spent time with their extended family through his entire Army career. A family which had become great friends with my family over the last year came from Goshen, Indiana. Her son had been sworn in with Joey at Fort Benjamin Harrison, Indianapolis, Indiana, in January of 2005 and had gone through the process of being sent wherever Joey's orders took him. There was a mom from Lafayette, Indiana, who had lost her son to a suicide bomber. She traveled to Joey's resting place to see this event. Many people that we did not even know from out of town were there. They had met him somewhere in his journey through life or knew us from our high school days or were local veterans just showing support for one of their own.

It was a beautiful day on September 22 nd , 2007. The weather had cooperated with our plans and the weathermen predicted it to rise to around 83 degrees, which was exceptionally warm for Thorntown, Indiana, that time of year. The Patriot Guard was in place, surrounding Joey's veiled tombstone and all holding flags to represent their patriotism and respect. The television stations were there, along with the local newspapers and approximately 350 curious spectators. There were no plans to speak of, just an unveiling. I had asked Pastor Merv and his wife to say a few words and Dawn sang Old Rugged Cross just as the local church bells started to chime. Then the veil was lifted from the eagle and from the entire stone. What a beautiful sight. Everyone said that the crowd just gasped with amazement and people had tears streaming down their faces; but me, I was just happy that people could come to see my boy.

On the front of the tombstone is the basic biography: name, place and date of birth and death, and pictures – pictures of him and his sister when they were 4 and 5; a picture of him and my brother at Christmas, 2005; he and Tracy in Alaska when we went to visit him two weeks before he left for Iraq; he kissing his car goodbye for the last time in July of 2006; he and Vanesa at her wedding where he was a groomsman; and he on his 4-wheeler. On the south side of the stone is the Army Creed, along with one of his dearest friends from the Army, Chad Pfeifer. Chad and Joey had become close friends while in Alaska. In almost all of the pictures we had of Joey, he is standing with Chad. Chad had his left leg amputated when he was hit by an IED on April 12 th , 2007. There are also several more pictures of Joey on this side.

On the east side of the tombstone is the poem, A Letter Down from Heaven, “The Heart of an American Soldier Now in Heaven.” This side has a picture of Jeremiah Johnson from Vancouver, Washington, and Joey on top of the humvee that was involved in the accident. Jeremiah was critically injured in the accident and died on January 5 th , 2007. Also from the accident was Logan “Doc” Tinsley from Chester, South Carolina. He was the company's medic. He was pronounced dead at the scene. His mom and I have become great friends, forever bonded by our tragedies. She, too, traveled to Indiana for the unveiling. On the north side is his Bible verse side. This also has a hand-drawn, painted picture of Joey on it that a lady from the monument company had drawn from a picture that was taken when we were in Alaska. He is standing on top of a mountain and looks like he does not have a care in the world. It looks like he is already on his way to heaven because of the view of the mountains in the background. There are also pictures of Joey when he was newborn in the hospital, when he was 4, a picture of our last vacation together in July of 2005, a picture of the day that he got sworn into the Army and left for basic training, and a huge picture of him in his baseball uniform.

At Christmas, we placed Christmas trees in the flower urns that were donated by the Lebanon Berg Vault Company. We used battery-operated lights. One tree was an Army tree with nothing but Army ornaments and yellow ribbons; and the other tree was a red, white, and blue tree with patriotic ornaments on it. We also always have a wreath setting beside the stone and people are always putting flowers and angels around him. We want to celebrate each holiday with him, so we decorate according to the day. He is sadly missed by not only us but also by the community.

This stone has put some peace to my visits to the cemetery. Now instead of going there and just talking, I can actually go there and talk to him. I walk around the stone every time I visit him, and I touch all of the laser etchings and pictures. I also hug the stone every time I am leaving. It somehow seems like I am hugging him. I still can never leave without tears running down my face, but at least I am at peace with his being in heaven and watching over us. The last words I say to him before I leave are, “I love you, I miss you, I wish you were here.”

The stone is everything I wanted it to be. It has great pictures of his life, his favorite Bible verse, the Army Creed and the poem. When people come to visit him and to talk to him, they are now seeing a life to be forever remembered.